New Hampshire in the Morning

Be vewey vewey quiet
Be vewey vewey quiet

M – I’ve never gone hunting in my life. However, on one recent Saturday night I believe I came as close to the experience as one can without having a gun, trees or camouflage attire.

I went Christmas shopping for a new duvet with Barbara at one of those stores that feature nice accessories for one’s home. At first I resisted going along, because my duvet hunting license had expired after our last hunt at Macy’s 2 years ago. She assured me that the décor police are very understanding about such things.

I could tell Babs was getting into stalking mode as we snuck past the Rachel Ray hunting knives and crawled past the dogs-playing-poker wall hangings.

Suddenly, we came upon an opening in a stand of silk plants that revealed a wall filled with brightly-colored duvets. We would build a duck blind here and observe them from a distance before moving in for the kill. Barbara’s pulse quickened as she spotted a brown, white and blue Nautica duvet with a full compliment of bedding accessories. I was ready for a nap but she was all set to pounce. Shopping, I mean, hunting makes me sleepy.

“That design line has been discontinued by Nautica,” the store associate told us. Being the trooper that she is, Barbara retuned to the silk plant blind to make a new plan. Before long, we spotted an accent pillow in the color scheme she wanted. Hopefully, there would be a bedding set nearby that matched this lone pillow.

The same woman returned to tell Barb that it was placed there by mistake. “A rogue pillow,” is what she called it. A rogue pillow? When’s the last time you heard those two words in the same sentence? I wasn’t quite sure what to make of this associate. She was working on a display bed, using a spatula to tuck in the sheets and covers. Upon closer inspection, I noted that she was using a rogue spatula.

Just to get things moving, I suggest we get the “Hello Kitty” duvet set and go home. She ignored my idea and began stalking silk pillow cases. I admitted I wasn’t a fan of silk bedding and she explained that when you sleep on silk pillow cases, you don’t get bed head. You’re good to go next morning without having to plug in a curling iron or sprits some spray onto your head.

Just as we were about to break camp for the night, a duvet in three earth tone colors leapt in front of us. Without missing a beat, and in leopard-like form, the huntress wrestled her prey into the shopping cart. Ernest Hemingway would be proud. She also scored a set of matching 650-thread count sheets and duvet clips that keep the comforter from bunching up inside the duvet. The hunt was a success. I was exhausted and would sleep well content with the thought that we captured our own duvet.

The best part? I had no nightmares about rogue pillows.

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